The real work starts NOW!

This post is an attempt at understanding the inability that is woven in to us which doesn't allow keeping things together - i.e. when you get things in order but somehow manage to lose it again - specifically in context of relationships.

I finished third season of House Of Cards and it got me thinking about this topic (Pranav - One post on HOC per season - you have to give me this concession at least, buddy boy!). Lets see how this attempt turns out:

Note: This post contains some spoilers for House Of Cards Season-3 so here is your chance to back off. In case you are in process of watching Season-3 or plan to watch it, you may want to stop reading this post and I mean STOP NOW!

Major Spoiler: Claire has left Frank and the White House at the end of Season-3. 

There, I said it!

The unthinkable has happened - what I considered as the ideal marriage - one of the 'flavors of perfect partnership' seems to have broken (I can bet that its a temporary breakdown). Claire chose to overlook how much Frank valued her and instead focused only herself - she felt she was not getting anything out of the marriage. In reality she messed up her affairs as Ambassador to UN. She just did not show the ability to keep it together anymore. Frank, on the other hand, was always supportive and went on a limb even though it caused him to face wrath from his party men and rivals alike. Frank never lost sight of what they could accomplish but Clair chose to lose her way. I say 'chose to' rather than 'lost her way' because the decision to leave Frank does not seems to have been taken in rage. I do hope Claire comes back to her senses and reunites with Frank in Season-4.

Lets take a step back and look at how the story has developed:

Season-1 and Season-2 were all about Frank and Claire working towards getting into the White House. They devoted themselves completely towards that endeavor - they complemented each other. It seemed as if their being together was the most powerful union in the whole of universe - a bond that was unshakable and something that already withstood the test of time. They worked relentlessly together towards their plan and executed it meticulously and with ruthless pragmatism. Hell, Frank even committed two murders in the process. During their journey they did have some differences but they always sorted it to achieve the 'greater good', as Frank puts it.

Season-3 focused on Frank's life as POTUS (President Of The United States) and Claire's as FLOTUS (First Lady Of The United States). The season gave insight into how life is for both - now that they have climbed the mountain and there is no where higher to ascend - and how they deal with the stresses of White House. Frank's incompetence as President is shown by his low approval ratings. Frank has his hands tied by the Congress - it won't allow him the latitude he desires. Republicans and Democrats unite against him and he is shown to withdraw some key legislation that he had intended to pass through the house. Whether he was right in pushing those forward is not the topic of this post.

Season-3 also focused heavily on Claire's ambitions - she makes it clear at the onset that she wanted a meatier role in the affairs. Even in Season-2, she mentions to her former lover that she wants to be significant. Frank acknowledges this and ensures that Claire be given a free hand to pursue whatever she wants. Claire opts for taking up being ambassador to UN and working alongside the Secretary of State. While Frank advises her against taking up the position - he ultimately yields to her desire.

The dynamics of Claire's working environment keep changing and it quickly exposes her inadequacy and incompetence in dealing with foreign affairs. Furthermore, adding to Frank's frustration is the moment when Claire ends up being the cause of failed negotiation with the President of Russia - wasting of months of effort by Frank's administration. Frank faces challenges at home and abroad - Claire works to the best of her capacity in finding resolution to challenges from abroad but clearly that was not enough.

Towards the end of season, Frank is forced to ask Claire to resign from ambassadorship and instead help him in campaigning for next presidential election. This is the key moment when Claire feels that she is just being used by Frank. She begins to believe and that she never really had much power even though she is married to the most powerful man in the world. She starts questioning on what is in it for her. She starts focusing on herself and in the process, loses sight of their potential to leave behind a legacy. She ultimately self-destructs and much to Frank's disappointment, ends up leaving him and the White House.

Frank and Claire achieved what they had set out for. The chase was over at the end of Season-2. It then required a different mindset and approach to keep things together and build a legacy - which is what Frank wanted for them. Claire, on the other hand, had her own ambitions. She wanted to capitalize on Frank's presidency but lacked the vision and faith to just hang in there when things were not going her way.

The way Season-3 ended was very shocking. It posed some questions for me: what the hell just happened? How could this bond break? Everything was perfect - they achieved what they wanted but still how could this happen?

As I started thinking more - it occurred to me that probably most of us do not realize that once we have achieved what we were striving for, we tend to become complacent. We tend to get relaxed and often tell to ourselves 'ok buddy... we need some rest now'. And in the process we just sit back and marvel at our accomplishment.

The high-performers distinguish themselves in this area - they know that the real work has started now - especially after having gotten their goal. They do not lose the momentum and instead focusing on next goal. One of my favorite quotes from Harvey Specter (Suits):

The lesser mortals (so to speak) do the exact opposite of the high-performers and tend to relax and in the process they lose the momentum they once built. The tendency to get relaxed is a curse that most of us suffer from - its something that is so fundamental to our Deoxyribonucleic Acid a.k.a DNA that we cannot do anything about it unless we exercise our will to fight it off.

It is certainly not easy and many people fall prey to the complacency and end up losing their way, underachieving than what they are capable of and more importantly fail to keep things together - that they have achieved.

Is this behavior also applicable to the way we approach relationships? 

I think the answer is "YES". In relationships as well, especially the ones that fall out of the set of 'blood relations', it requires a conscious working (and may be a correction in course from time to time) to ensure that we do not lose sight of the end-goal. Many of us indeed work towards it subconsciously but every once in a while, it surely helps to take a step back and see where things are headed. Every once in a while, it will help to ask this question to ourselves 'Are we taking the other person for granted?", "Are we at a place where we want to be, for time immortal?", "Is there a scope to improve?", "Are we still aligned to one another?".

With my limited understanding about human behavior, I certainly don't have the exhaustive set of questions that need to be asked to oneself. However an awareness about the complacency, a realization of this fact, will at least be a starting point.

In my prior posts, I have sung praises about the Underwoods and how I find them really special, how much I am in awe of the chemistry between Frank and Claire. The eternal optimist in me sees the end of Season-3 as a temporary misalignment that can be fixed. I am sure there are many more who want to see Frank and Claire get back together!